Road trip me and HW in 2 weeks -- Posted by bis on Monday, March 3 2008
i am driving
Oh, joy! -- Posted by Haywire on Friday, February 8 2008
Three Months -- Posted by bis on Thursday, January 10 2008
We are always right... It's not a matter of right and wrong, Really there is no wrong, Not in out own minds, Our own… reality, You can never set off…. to do the wrong thing, You can never say…. the wrong thing, In your own mind you are always right, Every action you take, What you do… or say….or how you choose to appear, Is automatically right the moment you act, Because you can do nothing wrong… you are always right, Even when you say "I am such an idiot I'm so wrong", You are right, You are right...About being wrong, You are right...About being an idiot, No matter how stupid your idea, You are doomed to be right because it was yours, We are all condemned to be right, About everything we can consider, In this shifting liquid world, Where everyone is right, And any idea is right the moment you act on it, The only sure thing, Is what you promise.
The Rules... According to Bis. -- Posted by Haywire on Wednesday, November 14 2007
[4:15 PM] bis: the rules are Never let suspects stay together. Never screw over your partner Always wear gloves at a crime scene [4:16 PM] Don't believe what you're told. Double check Never be unreachable If you have a secret, the best thing is to keep it to yourself. The second-best is to tell one other person if you must. There is no third-best Always be specific when you lie. Never take anything for granted Never go anywhere without a knife. Never date a coworker Always work as a team It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission Never, ever bother bis in an interrogation [4:17 PM] haywire: lol okay bis: Never mess with a Marine's coffee if you want to live Never say you're sorry, it's a sign of weakness haywire: bah bis: Never marry a woman who eats more than you haywire: you mean, i shouldnt marry a man who i eat more than? [4:18 PM] bis: no the rules are not adaptable bis: the rules are the rules haywire: how do they apply to chort tho? i meeaaaan DT posting [4:20 PM]haywire: i need DT posting rules bis: those are the only rules i have haywire: ah well thanks. i'll try to remember all 50 or so of those rules mers told me no beastiality or kiddie porn [4:21 PM] bis: there more haywire: more? bis: but i stopped haywire: lol ok continue bis: nah too lazy
eels!!! -- Posted by QVC on Tuesday, November 13 2007
At my workplace we have a full Japanese translation department. Almost daily, the little Japanese girls convene in the coffee room to giggle and speak gibberish, and I start thinking dirty thoughts. I think about how all of my distinguished male friends would be requesting pics. I think about hentai and tentacles and short plaid skirts. And although I've successfully avoided seeing the video for multiple years now, I think about eels.
You guys have ruined me. I think I love you for it. ;)
I frequently hear about females who are strictly anti-porn. Its kind of amusing. Wife catches husband looking at porno for "the last time" and takes his computer away. Girlfriend looks at boyfriend's browsing history (negligence!) and refuses to fuck him for two weeks. Why is this? What's the big deal? Porn is like Saturday morning cartoons. Everyone watches it. Its widely available and FREE! Have you ever watched a documentary on porn stars? They love their jobs! You have to respect that. How many of you actually love your jobs?
Perhaps if more women started making their own porn, they'd be more understanding. If you can't beat them (or in this case -- can't stand the thought of your man beating it to someone else but you), join them! It may be a lot more gratifying than you think.
Though I wouldn't recommend doing anything with eels.
"So i hate Virginia with every fiber in my being" or "GTI vs Deer" -- Posted by bis on Thursday, October 11 2007
What the fuck was i saying? -- Posted by bis on Wednesday, September 19 2007
So I asked Everyone What their top 10 movies were. -- Posted by bis on Thursday, September 13 2007
qvc
The Big Lebowski Office Space Moulin Rouge! Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Cinderella The Jungle Book Pee Wee's Big Adventure Almost Famous Clerks Goonies
The Lion King, Aladdin, Back to the Future trilogy, Nacho Libre, Super Troopers, Star Wars (first 3!), LOTR, Drop Dead Gorgeous, Matrix trilogy
HW
Stand By Me Shawshank Redemption Goodfellas Usual Suspects Spaceballs Airplane Paprika Scrooged Chasing Amy Gladiator
Dumb and Dumber Strange Brew Star Wars (The original 3) Monty Python's Holy Grail Kids Scarface (duh) Blazing Saddles 300 The replacement killers Oh shit my ass fell out
Mers
1. Blues Brothers 2. Big Trouble in Little China 3. Outlaw Josey Wales 4. Leon the Professional 5. The Fifth Element 6. Man On Fire 7. Godfather 2 8. Empire Strikes Back 9. Raiders of the Lost Ark 10.Real Genius
honorable mention
akira, brewster's millions, training day, good fellas, heat, blazing saddles, space balls, the princess bride
Ray
1. Blues Brothers 2. Unbreakable 3. Godfather I & II 4. Ghostbusters 5. North By Northwest 6. Cindarella Man 7. Big Trouble In Little China 8. Real Genius 9. Neighbors 10. TRON
Honorable Mentions The Manchurian Candidate, Transformers: The Movie (animated), Amelie Olliie Hopnoodle's Haven of Bliss, Star Wars (original trilogy), Man on Fire, Pulp Fiction, Batman Begins, Dr. Strangelove or Howe I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, Rounders, Usual Suspects, Bourne Identity, Strange Brew, Planes, Trains & Automobiles
Bis
Ghost in the Shell Akira Man on Fire Fight Club Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas Training Day Goodfellas Full Metal Jacket The Shining Apocalypse now
Just about any kung-fu movie, Dirty Harry, Heatbreak Ridge, Ninja Scroll, Pulp Fiction, Fletch, The Omega Man, Resident Evil, 28 Days Later, Zatoichi, and anything by Kurosawa
"Kareoke bar Night in the chort" or "Another reason not to chort drunk" -- Posted by bis on Tuesday, September 11 2007
qvc(8:39:17 PM): i have that fucking song stuck in my head now qvc(8:39:28 PM): lionel ritchie - all night long (or whatever it is) qvc(8:39:44 PM): fucking american idol! qvc(8:39:51 PM): how is my tv even on this station bis(8:39:51 PM): all ntie lonk bis(8:39:53 PM): al nite bis(8:39:55 PM): yeah qvc(8:39:59 PM): haha bis(8:40:01 PM): we party 4 eva bis(8:40:26 PM): cmon n sing along qvc(8:40:45 PM): hehe bis(8:41:12 PM): Well, my friends, the time has come bis(8:41:18 PM): To raise the roof and have some fun bis(8:41:23 PM): Throw away the work to be done bis(8:41:29 PM): Let the music play on bis(8:41:34 PM): Everbody sing, everybody dance bis(8:41:39 PM): Lose yourself in wild romance bis(8:41:44 PM): We're going to party bis(8:41:50 PM): Karamu, fiesta, forever bis(8:41:56 PM): Come on and sing along! qvc(8:42:04 PM): all night long qvc(8:42:07 PM): all night qvc(8:42:11 PM): all night bis(8:42:22 PM): ahah qvc the courus Mers(8:45:32 PM): somethings got me fallin apart Ed(8:45:33 PM): you wanna do it? bis(8:45:34 PM): u kann doo eeeet all nite long Mers(8:45:38 PM): somethings got me losin all hope in u Mers(8:45:46 PM): somethings got me losin all control bis(8:45:46 PM): best sonk bis(8:45:52 PM): = liberation Ed(8:46:00 PM): d00t. it's like we're at the most fucked up kareoke bar ever created.
Wu-Tang Clan Aint Nothing to Fuck With -- Posted by bis on Wednesday, August 8 2007
Damn Blood Suckers -- Posted by Mers on Thursday, July 26 2007
[19:33] Mers: man I just got eaten ALIVE [19:33] Mers: while I was out there changin kp's headlights for him [19:34] Mers: lil black misquitos with white tiger stripes [19:34] Mers: mosquitos even [19:34] Mers: I killed 20 of the bitches but they just kept comin [19:34] Bis: lol [19:34] Bis: sounds like a bad B movie [19:35] Mers: yuh [19:35] Mers: or the start of the greatest porno EVAR [19:35] Mers: prolly not though [19:36] Bis: keep going i want to see where you go with this [19:36] Mers: I lost my train of thought...and what'd I tell you about rubbing yourself while talking to me on here [19:36] Bis: :-[
Hmm... -- Posted by Mers on Wednesday, July 18 2007
Well someone told bis the old site looked like shit and I was bored anyways tonight. I decided to throw something a little cleaner together. I doubt anyone notices anytime soon anyways.
Me at the Mc Chris Show in Richmond or How many beers does it take bis to piss people off -- Posted by bis on Monday, July 16 2007
"What are YOU doing this summer" or "Sept isnt in the summer" -- Posted by bis on Wednesday, May 16 2007
WE going tubing! -- Posted by bis on Thursday, February 22 2007
Bis is the Living Dead and Vampire Robot Monkeys! -- Posted by bis on Wednesday, January 3 2007
So im almost dead people got the word Pinky was up to the job of artist since peaches was MIA not a bad job.
i was searching my email and found these old submissions so i figured we were due for an update you know for the new year and all
Those chinese sons of bitches are going DOWN! -- Posted by bis on Tuesday, December 5 2006
bis: tHOSE CHINESE SONS OF BITCHES ARE GOING DOWN *** Smoke has left the chat. bis: http://www.explosm.net/comics/743/ bis: lol QVC: haha i saw that earlier *** Smoke has joined the chat. Smoke: as soon as my boss gets his lunch, i am going home Pinky: yay for Smoke! Pinky: at least you get to go home early! Pinky: i hope you arent as miserable as i was when i got home Pinky: i hate being alone by myself :( Smoke: do you like being alone with someone else? Pinky: yup! my sweetie! and i know what you are trying to say! Pinky: aw, but i wish you guys had come to visit me for a few minutes Pinky: i was so bummed :( QVC: man i love being by myself QVC: i think i have issues Pinky: not me Pinky: i had a miserable thanksgiving Pinky: no one called me! Pinky: and thats when i realized i hated being by myself Pinky: it makes me depressed QVC: you would think coming from a huge fam id be the same way Pinky: haha, not really Pinky: usually it has the opposite effect Pinky: im just a weirdo QVC: nah a lot of ppl are like that bis: http://www.explosm.net/comics/740/ bis: i like c and h with every part of my body including my pee pee bis: is that called sploshing?? http://www.explosm.net/comics/739/ bis: what the fuck is that fetish called QVC: wtf QVC: food fetish? QVC: i dunno, i havent studied the fetishes in a while bis: yeah the one where they rub food all over themselves Mers: I think its called WEIRD bis: oh bis: then i should put this pocky away and put my pants back on Mers: foodie maybe Mers: dunno QVC: lol bis: peaches bis: we need art for that one QVC: you already know you're weird, bis, whats the difference Mers: yeah I don't wanna know what you were doing with pockey Mers: ooooh chocolate pocky bis: well Mers: no that was strawberry pocky bis: see guys in the middle east put these little wooden sticks in their pee holes and jerk off bis: atleast thats what i read in hounted bis: err haunted Mers: man I didn't need to know that QVC: hmm i dunno. QVC: but that sounds painful? Mers: yes Mers: the qtip std test is bad enough Mers: jesus bis: lol QVC: i want this QVC: http://www.mrfrench.com/results.asp?image=9094&wwwflag=9&imagepos=21 bis: 404? QVC: copy/paste? Mers: bis you remember that chinese place on the corner of wabash and macarthur that was closed the entire time you were here? Hunan's Mers: the dude is opening it back up as a sushi bar Mers: apparently they gutted the place and replaced the roof since the tornado and remodeled bis: nice bis: oo 500 bis: internal server error
Bisism or Lunch with Bob Saget -- Posted by bis on Wednesday, November 22 2006
bis: i pulled my erector Peaches: ... Peaches: is that what theyre calling it nowadays? Peaches: =-O bis: yeah R4YGUN: i think you've been pulling your erector too much then bis R4YGUN: you're going to get hair on your hands and probably go blind Project bis2501: yeah i know Peaches: I think you want to pull his erector spence Peaches: you dirty dirty boy R4YGUN: i dunno. but tattoo chick asks me to pull her hair REALLY FUCKING HARD R4YGUN: and i pulled out a big clump last night R4YGUN: no blood though. disappointing. bis: chicks like that bis: or like when you grab them by the throat R4YGUN: well yeah ive seen that shit R4YGUN: both of those R4YGUN: this was a bit extreme though Peaches: depends Project bis2501: sounds like my kinda slut Peaches: if you do it too rough and you hurt it loses all the goodness Peaches: force is good- hurt is bad Peaches: little pain is good Peaches: lots of pain bad R4YGUN: like the choking? i'm not really used to using what amounts to arope bis: yeah Peaches: choking for me is usually only when Im climaxing R4YGUN: chortkiller bis: i choke them bis: even if they dont want me to bis: they shut up like that Peaches: youre a chortkiller, chortkiller Peaches: and bis..you worry me Peaches: surpise anal, choking bis: yeah bis: at the same time Peaches: litk I think of house of the rising sun bis: you should see how wide they open their eyes R4YGUN: oh i use the surprise anal tactic R4YGUN: "whoops, sorry baby. sorry can't do that. it's stuck now. better finish." Peaches: no you dont liar bis: i do bis: i dont een appologize Peaches: you said youve only stuck your twig in one girls butt spence bis: they cant run away Peaches: no way R4YGUN: fine. KttnChaos: itd hurt too much R4YGUN: busted. bis: you may be next peaches Peaches: no way Peaches: Imma buy a butt plug for when Im around you bis Peaches: that way if you did get in, Id be stretched and ready bis: thats fine ill fit in with it Peaches: maybe Ill buy a bear claw trap for in there too bis: sounds fun Peaches: but you said you have a tiny peen bis: yeah you wont even know bis: til there is a puddle Peaches: butt lug would be bigger.. so it wouldnt be small enough and youd feel nothing! Peaches: lol Peaches: and remember Peaches: Ill eat lots of jalapenos and spicey chili around you *** greXian has joined the chat. Pinky: bob saget says if youre a girl and you want a guy to like you leave out ultra thin tampons so guys will think you are tight bis: sok i wear condoms Peaches: bob saget actually made sense Peaches: wow Pinky: :) bis: its always tight when you put it in their butts or you are choking them bis: or both Bubb: haha Mers: you should put that in a cartoon Mers: just cuz I wanna see peaches try to draw a stick figure's brown eye bis: yea peaches get to it Peaches: mers bis: you are my official drawered Peaches: did you get that pic? Mers: pic? Mers: should I check my gmail? Mers: nothin in gmail but something on wow from vita and some shit from tshirthell Mers: so...uh no Peaches: uhm Peaches: Im not feelin creative Peaches: http://img501.imageshack.us/img501/4430/bisismsv0.jpg bis: hmm R4YGUN: that sucks Peaches: you suck Peaches: shut up pastey fat white boy R4YGUN: that suuuucks R4YGUN: i am neither pastey nor fat anymore R4YGUN: i walk around everywhere R4YGUN: and i get sun bis: lets see you do better ray R4YGUN: and i have a fucking BEARD now bis: all you need is a fedora R4YGUN: yeah R4YGUN: i have one of those too Project bis2501: and you will look like a complete asshole Peaches: OMG Peaches: I got a mike and ike that looks like a penis!!! Peaches: LOL bis: i have a penis that looks like a mike and ike :( Project bis2501: i mean :) Peaches: hahahaha bis: im going to have to post this chort log to give the drawering some help
i will never sleep again -- Posted by bis on Tuesday, October 31 2006
UPDATES! -- Posted by bis on Tuesday, September 26 2006
drunken fiasco -- Posted by Kaber on Saturday, August 5 2006
IF has entered the room. IF: damn IF: I b drunk IF: I hate cli9ck click click crap IF: kaber is dumb enough IF: u fuckers suck IF has left the room.
Project GTI (part 1) -- Posted by bis on Wednesday, April 26 2006
Y'all wanna buy some weed? No but I'll give you $10 for that jacket... -- Posted by Mers on Sunday, April 23 2006
Kaber: hi Mers: sup kaber Bis: and im sure that i wont get invited back when you get invited back mers Bis: but i did buy that undercover cops jacket Bis: that pretty much made my night Bis: im going to post it on dt tomorrow Mers: that shit was funny Mers: that's a nice wuwear jacket Mers: and I don't give a shit about getting invited back Mers: I'll take a pic of you wearing the wuwear jacket you got off the undercover cop cuz that's fucking funny Bis: next time we taking your truck Mers: k Mers: if we'd been in my truck the blonde prolly wouldn't have flipped out Bis: prry not Bis: fucking sluts Bis: she must have thought i was trying to bang her Mers: I'm sure it was prolly RAPE going through her mind than just banging Mers: cuz the mixed chick said the blonde is a little too friendly Bis: rofl Bis: if that mixed chick in the back wouldnt have said anything Bis: i would have left her when creepy guy in the jag pulled up Mers: that dude went all creepy uncle and was like you boys wanna go with me to the cubs/cards game tomorrow? Mers: then he was all "Can I touch your pee pee? It got me excited watching you climb the pole" and you were like no but I'll kick your ass for $10 Bis: lol
Infomercial 1: Bis's SureFire hangover system (revised) -- Posted by bis on Monday, April 17 2006
bis has entered the room. Peaches: I have to give a presentation in about an hour Peaches: oops Scientist TZ has entered the room. Peaches: slept like...an hour Peaches: hahaha Peaches: waaaay too much drinkingon thurs nights Peaches: nooo good bis: sup peaches Peaches: hi hi Peaches: still drunk from last night Peaches: hows your training going? bis: i am like a well oiled machine Peaches: get on the scene, sex machine? bis: *does the james brown two step* bis: no Peaches: oh Raygun: i hate being drunk in the morning at work Peaches: yeah Peaches: it sucks Peaches: but then it doesnt suck...until I sober up Peaches: the waking hangover sucks Scientist TZ: because you know it may turn into a hangover by lunch bis: you can defeat that with my sure fire system Scientist TZ: drink more? bis: and it only cost 15.99 Raygun: it sucks because you will do shit and then the next day you forgot what you did Peaches: well hopefully my boss will let me off of work when i drop off my coworkers at the airport Peaches: whats that bis? bis: BUT for calling today you will get 2 for the low low price of 15.99 Peaches: uhm Peaches: get what ? bis: my sure fire no hang over system Peaches: oh Peaches: its supposed to rain according to google weather Peaches: hahaha Peaches: Im not dressed for rain bis: *shows diagram of a person with an arrow pointing to booze with an arrow pointing to an explosion with an arrow poiting to a person standing like superman* Raygun: this weeks pBF is pretty weak bis: link Raygun:http://70.86.201.113/imageserv 2/temporary/PBF097ADAquarium.html (sfw) Scientist TZ: i like the style of art Scientist TZ: but i don't get the joke, if there is one Raygun: me either Raygun: yeah his art is always good bis: the best one was with the transformers Raygun: but sometiems (not too often), the humor isnt there Raygun: wait what Raygun: link Raygun: i really like Chris Ware's comics, but they are never funny at all bis: http://70.86.201.113/imageserv 2/temporary/PBF077ADDisassemble.jpg Peaches: bis Peaches:http://www.digi-thug.com/bis/misc/bishangovercure.jpg bis: holy shit bis: thats exactly it! bis: for something that awsome that fast you MIGHT not get surprise anal
